AWeber - FOHAC Newsletter Its Hard #422

Published: Sun, 09/03/17

Fair Oaks Health News

Welcome

Sept 3, 2017

It's Hard

Hi ,

A favorite line I have heard from some people, addicts in particular, is that life is hard. They seem to believe that they have a corner on the market for hard times. The universal sentiment that follows the “it’s hard” statement is that no one understands how hard it is for them – like no one else has ever had things be hard. With the addicts this line is usually the rationale for why they have to use their particular addiction – because life is so much harder for them than everyone else.

Big reveal here – life is hard for everyone all the time. The only difference between one person and the next is how they handle the difficulties. The primary challenge I am writing about generally has little to nothing to do with life circumstances and everything to do with relationships or lack thereof.

Each of us is inherently a prisoner inside our own head – at least so our experience seems to tell us. The challenge is that we are required to participate harmoniously with others. What a train wreck. No one sees life the way we do because they are trapped inside their heads just like us and will always see life from their perspective, not ours. We are the center of our universe; that is just how our brains are wired. No matter how much we might try to “walk in another’s shoes,” we really can’t. Their “shoes” (perspective) are built out of their entire life’s experiences and their reactions to life. We can’t possibly have any idea how they would really feel about anything. The best we can do is guess, not know.

Why does that matter? It matters because it is equally impossible for anyone to know how we feel, how we see things, or what feels right to us. This is just the way it is. So since they are clueless about our perspective and we are clueless about theirs, how are we supposed to create and relate in harmony? Quite literally our survival depends upon us being able to do this – both individually and as a species. More than anything else, the skill of relating in harmony is the key to happiness in life. And more than anything the “hardness” of life is in how we feel when we fail to relate in harmony.

When we are young we are automatically narcissistic. Our brain wiring is not complex enough to even entertain the idea that other people have feelings of their own. Other people are seen as sort of sock puppets. As children we believe we are somehow responsible for how they act and their displays of emotion. All life is all about us. We are the center and everything exists only in relation to us. This is where we start with being trapped inside our own head. As we mature, typically around age 7, we connect the dots and get it that all these people around us are not extensions of us – not sock puppets – and now we have to figure out how to get our needs met in a big world full of the unknown. This is terrifying. Ages 7 to 10 or 11 are known as the quiet years for most kids, as they are busy trying to figure out the big unknown world of relationships. Then hormones start running and this intensifies as we really get into this relationship thing much closer up – like one on one.

Initially about 80% of us tend to approach this problem from the outside in. We see our selves as passive recipients of the unknown currents that seem to run everyone around us. We are busy trying to figure out how to control or manipulate people around us to get our needs and wants met - usually through adopting a role like the needy dependent, or the caretaker, or the star, or the know-it-all, or many others. For most people this is as far as they go, and the rest of their life is about trying to gain the power to make other people do what they want. This is a very hard path. No one wants to be controlled or manipulated - resentment and struggle results.

Most of the rest of the people go into resistance to all this and say the heck with trying to figure out the unknowns of people. Instead they decide to figure out how to meet their own needs all by themselves. These are the socially awkward people that really just don’t relate. They may end up on the fringes of society, or they may do brilliantly in tech and science fields. But life is full of people and participating with them is unavoidable, so their lives are also a constant challenge – another hard path.

A few people get it that life is constantly in flux and people individually are a mystery. They get it that they are not smart enough to outwit everyone all the time, so they look to something deeper and bigger than themselves for guidance in conducting their affairs in life. Usually this path is engaged when other paths have failed miserably and the person has nowhere else to go. Some will describe this as “turning their life over to God as they know it” and others will see this as getting out of their heads and opening up their hearts. It is the same thing either way. God as we know it “lives” in our heart, meaning that is where we hear and /or connect with God. Life becomes a daily discipline to surrendering our head view of life and stepping into seeing things from our heart – or God’s view. The essence is we let go of our narcissistic view of life with us as the center. We embrace the deep truth that nothing is about us. At the same time we also embrace that everything we “see” is intimately about us as it is a reflection of our inner world of thoughts, feelings, expectations, and beliefs. We see us in how we see the world.

Life is still hard. It is like being in a small sailboat out on the ocean. You have to constantly be manning the tiller and resetting your sails moment to moment to adapt to what is happening. This is hard. But when you do this from your heart, this challenge is also very rewarding. Your ability to navigate the ocean (life) can actually become enjoyable. Without having to fight for power, or having to win, or be right, or get your way, life becomes easier. As you build respect based relationships that seek win-win outcomes, you become very successful in getting your needs met. Life is still hard, still a constant challenge, but a fun challenge. The aspect of hard that comes from the pain of failing to make harmonious connections becomes minimal. It is never completely gone, because you cannot make all people respond well to you. But you do much better than any of the other paths.

What skills are necessary to get into your heart? You have to be present and responsive to each moment. Nothing is ever on automatic. You have to get out of your head and listen to your heart (or God). You have to embrace both the negative and positive feedback life is constantly giving you so that you can constantly adapt your course and actions. Just like the sailor, you can’t be asleep at the wheel. You have to abandon your head box that insists that you are the center, and things – anything at all – should be your way. You can do your best to make things be the way you like by your own actions. But you get it that it is not ever anyone else’s job to put you first or do things your way. That is your job, not theirs. You have to respect life. That means seeing that all parts of life are sacred – they all have their purpose and path – they are just as important to the big picture as you even though you have no idea how that could be.

That is a lot of effort just to make life less hard. Is that effort worth it? Life adds additional motivation to push us out of our head and into our heart - pain - physical pain. The harder the path, the more stress attacks our body and creates inflammation, pain, and early degeneration. Which path we choose directly controls our health. Our greatest health benefit comes when we live from our heart.

Take care,

David

Ellen update:

Ice cream has always been a reliable go to mental balm when things get hard. But Ellen has historically also used it to lose weight - at least in the low calorie sugar free form. Today she is trying the latest popular low calorie ice cream, Halo. Mint chip was her first choice when we went to Elliott's today. Amber also ordered us a couple flavors of another competing low cal ice cream, Enlightenment. We shall see what brand comes out on top...

Chocolate to fight diabetes?

The substance epicatechin found in cocoa both protects and supports the insulin producing cells, at least in mice. Cocoa was found to not only lower blood sugar levels, but to decrease obesity. The trick is to eat the cocoa without the damaging sugar usually found in chocolate. Very dark chocolate is one good choice as is chocolate sweetened with stevia. Previous research has shown dark chocolate feeds the good bacteria to produce anti-inflammatory compounds, help memory, reduce cardiovascular disease and lower strokes.

Chocolate

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"Please all, and you will please none."

~ Aesop

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Flu vaccine controlled by your genes

We have known this forever, but everyone has been pretending otherwise - how well any medication works is very individual. Now they have proof that the effectiveness of the flu vaccine depends on your genes. Further the genes that are helpful while you are young actually make the vaccine fail when you get older.

Vaccine

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"Gratitude is the sign of noble souls."

~ Aesop
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Superbug antibiotics found in breast milk

More and more bacteria are becoming resistant to all forms of medication. Searching for more options is vital. Babies when born do not have a functioning immune system yet. They depend on the special antibiotics produced by the mother in her breast milk. A whole new class of antibiotics has been found in breast milk that researchers are trying to synthesize as fresh breast milk is hard to come by.

Breast Milk

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"The smaller the mind the greater the conceit."

~ Aesop

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Our address is 9725 Fair Oaks Blvd. suite A
Our hours are M - F 9 to 1 and M, Tu, & Th 3 to 6

Finding the new location is very easy. Coming from highway 50 up Sunrise Blvd, you turn left and go up a block. We are on the right hand side - the building just past the Subway Sandwich shop. If you are coming down Sunrise from the Mall area then just turn right on Fair Oaks Blvd and up a block on the right.

If you are coming from the Roseville area you could come down Sunrise Blvd, but that is a long trek. It is probably shorter time wise to come down Auburn Blvd - San Juan Ave like you have been for the Sunset office, but instead of turning left at Sunset, keep going straight 3 more lights to Fair Oaks Blvd and turn left. Go down 2 lights to New York Ave, go through the intersection, and immediately turn into the turn lane once the center divider ends. We are on the left.

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About Dr. DeLapp

Dr. DeLapp has been a philosopher, non-force Chiropractor, medical intuitive, and health innovator for over 30 years. He began experimenting with medical intuition in 1972 while studying physics at UC Davis. In addition to physics he designed and completed an individual major in the philosophy and psychology of education. Shortly after he choose to pursue a career in the only truly health oriented profession available at that time, Chiropractic. He graduated with honors in 1981 with his doctorate and opened a private practice.
Since that time he has continued his research into the effects of consciousness and learning on health.
He developed the Biomagnetic Retraining system for correcting movement abnormalities.
Since 1991 he has focused on developing a powerful system for uncovering and assisting the mind-body connection in health and personal growth. The in-depth coaching, guided by the subconscious direction from the body, is called Heartflow and the simpler mind-body retraining for health and unfoldment he has named Gracework. Both are available at Fair Oaks Health.

Fair Oaks Healing
& Arts Center
Staff