The title brings up images of damsels in distress being rescued by heroes of the best sort.  This picture has huge appeal in many cultures and is the mainstay of motion picture blockbusters every year.

We all feel gratitude at the efforts of heroic fire fighters and those who have defended us and our country from real threats in the past.  This is good and wonderful and is contained within the context of singular events involving the preservation of our life or property in unfortunate circumstances beyond our control.  These are emotionally clear transactions as no long-term relationship entanglements take place.

On the opposite end of the relationship spectrum is the response of a caring mother to the cries of her child.  That mother is there day in and day out to see to the needs of her child, and her child is dependent upon her for that care.  Again we have circumstances beyond the control of the child causing distress and the parent responding to save the child from that distress.  This is a loving caretaker-dependent relationship that is completely appropriate when the individual being cared for is in fact truly unable to help themselves.

The process of growing up is the movement from dependence to independence.  The evolution and development of our very soul is all about learning how to marshal our creative energies to manifest what we want to meet our needs.  Growing up is about learning how to create within a social structure in which everyone else is also trying to create to meet his or her needs.  Growing up is about the movement from letting your parents "do for" you to doing for yourself. 

I know from personal experience how difficult it is as a parent to let go of trying to "do for" one's child.  As an adult, my experience at creating is more effective than my child's because I have had years to "figure it out".  We want to "save" our children the discomfort of having to learn how to "figure it out" on their own.  I wanted to believe I could pass on the experience I had gained through verbal lectures and explanations.  I wanted to save my child the "hard knocks" that trial and error learning gives.

But life and kids don't work that way.  In life you learn by doing.  Why is that?  Because what you are learning is not a simple set of logical head centered rules, but rather an adaptive feel for navigating the constant compromise between what you want and what life around you wants, between your needs and others needs.  This is far too complex and dynamic for a set of verbalizable rules.  A simple example is the skill of riding a bicycle.  I can explain in clear terms about gravity, falling down, and the goal of balancing against gravity to stay upright to ride a bicycle successfully.  But that does not help a child learn how to ride at all.  They have to learn by doing.  Support and encouragement helps, but you can not avoid the risk of falling and scraping a few knees if your child wants to learn to ride a bicycle.

Every skill in life that we have to learn works this way.  You create an action in the world and watch for the feedback so you can adaptively adjust your actions to keep yourself headed in the desired direction.

So what happens when you "save" somebody.  Outside of life and death circumstances where failure to save them results in their death (and consequently no more growth and learning), you deny them the real feedback they need to learn how to self correct their actions to change their path back into their desired direction and results.  "Saving" people denies them learning to develop their own internal compass to guide their actions.  It keeps them dependent upon you for direction.

Now this reality is exploited by most authority figures in our culture.  I am most familiar with the medical authority game.  Doctors use their specialized knowledge to convince patients that they (the patients) do not know what is right for themselves.  You are taught to "trust" your doctor and depend on him or her to guide your life back to health.  You are taught to be a dependent rather than listening to your own inner compass about what works for you.  This keeps the doctors in power and therefore secure in their social status.

Dependency relationships cause you to trade your self-creative soul away in exchange for the illusion of safety and certainty.  The problem is life is not safe and definitely nothing is certain.  Your greatest shot at safety is by learning to trust your instincts, your inner compass built out of your own experiences.  You still want to make use of the specialized knowledge others have as input to help you form your choices.  But never give your creative power of choice over to someone else.  They are not you. They can never see life the way you do.  They can not feel what it is you want, what is important to you.  All they can do is impose their values and beliefs.  It is all they've got.

You act, life responds, and you adjust your actions based on the feedback life gives you.  That is what learning life skills is all about.  No one can do that for you.  It is all trial and error.  But learning life skills this way builds true self-esteem and confidence.    You know what you can do because you have experienced yourself doing it.  You learn to trust your own skills at adapting to life.

Interestingly, Charles Darwin, the father of the theory of species evolution, stated that "It is not the strongest, or the smartest that survive, but the most adaptable."

I have spent the last 20 years learning not to "save" people.  This goes against all the training I received as a doctor.  The modern term for this is learning not to be co-dependent.  Co-dependent's "save" others in order to gain some form of control over them.  The authority stance is a favorite stance of those seeking control. 

I prefer now to see myself as an expert in my area of knowledge, which I use to support the desires and goals of those who seek my aid.  It is your job to author your life, write your own story in life.  You are the authority in your life.  (The word authority comes from the French and Latin words for author.)

It is often hard not to want to "save or rescue" others when you can see and feel the discomfort and pain they are in as a consequence of their actions.  They do not want to have to adapt and change what they are doing that is creating their pain.  They want to be able to do whatever they want without having consequences.  They want to eat whatever they want, drink whatever they want, behave however they want, and have it all work out without any negative consequences.  It is a child's fantasy. 

Warning, Pharmaceutical companies are working hard to create drugs that feed the illusion you can have this fantasy.  Many of their current drugs do just this.

Growing up happens when you learn to successfully adapt to reality.  Drug (legal or illegal) supported fantasies keep you a dependent child.  The same is true of dependent - codependent relationships.  Neither side grows up.  Neither side learns how to master their creative powers to manifest the life that matters most to them.  Neither side gains the inner peace that comes with the confidence and strength gained in building life skills.

Life is risky.  It is uncertain.  It is a moving target that never lets you use the same answer twice.  To author your life successfully is a full time job.  It requires integrating both thinking and feeling.  It requires taking those risks and learning through trial and error what works today.  Tomorrow is a different story needing new adaptations from you.  There are no "right answers" to all life's questions because every question is unique and needs a unique answer.  There is only your answer to each question formed in the forge of trial and error.

Consider caring for others through support for who they are rather than trying to make them be like you.  That is the hidden agenda of those who "rescue" others.  They "save" you in order to make you be the way they think is right (in other words - like them.)  I do not see that as respectful.  The message is "Abandon yourself and be the way I want and I will save you from the painful consequences you have created by being your way."  It almost sounds noble - except for the "Abandon being yourself."

Support says "Experience and learn from your consequences and I will support your desire to change and adapt as you grow.  I will encourage and empower you to become a stronger, wiser, greater version of who

P.S. For those of you struggling with wanting to rescue or be rescued, Heartflow is a powerful technique for unlocking the subconscious patterns driving this behavior.  A first visit with Ellen for a Heartflow session is 2 hours with the first hour free to discover if it may help you and the second hour only $70. 

 

The Loving Life Elixer is a big hit, but the folks that like their coffee black asked for an unsweetened straight cacao powder version without the Moringa powder included.  I have brought bags of Organic Cacao Powder to the office at the terrific price of only $9.75 for 12 ounces.

How to find us -

Take care,

David            

Brain scans show everyone is wired differently

Do you ever wonder why the people around you just don't "get it"? Have you been frustrated by all the folks in the "other" political party or religion not seeing the truths that are obvious to you?  Well science can now show we are all physically wired differently.  We are designed to think and behave differently.  We structurally can't think and feel the same, and no amount of propaganda or persuasion can change that.  Something to think about... 

 

~  Eric Hoffer

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Zinc keeps the immune system in check 
 

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Edible desk lamp

In a brilliant move to make recycling much more efficient, a professor at New York State has developed edible plastics.  Why save plastics and throw them into a special trash bin when you could just eat the appliance when it gets old?  His first effort is an edible desk lamp.  Give it a taste?

About Dr. DeLapp

Dr. DeLapp has been a philosopher, non-force Chiropractor, medical intuitive, and health innovator for over 30 years.  He began experimenting with  medical intuition in 1972 while studying physics at UC Davis.  In addition to physics he designed and completed an individual major in the philosophy and psychology of education.  Shortly after he choose to pursue a career in the only truly health oriented profession available at that time, Chiropractic.  He graduated with honors in 1981 with his doctorate and opened a private practice. 
Since that time he has continued his research into the effects of consciousness and learning on health. 
He developed the Biomagnetic Retraining system for correcting movement abnormalities. 
Since 1991 he has focused on developing a powerful system for uncovering and assisting the mind-body connection in health and personal growth.  The in-depth coaching, guided by the subconscious direction from the body, is called Heartflow and the simpler mind-body retraining for health and unfoldment he has named Gracework.  Both are available at Fair Oaks Health.

Dr David DeLapp DC
Chiropractor

Ellen Flowers FGM
Spiritual Life Coach

 

 

Catherine Cummings

 

 

Jin Shin Jitsu

 

 

Lorena Morales

 

 

Massage Practitioner

 

 

 

 

 Is there a sweet that is not poisonous?  Yes!


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