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This newsletter is about how to turn one of our
most unpleasant experiences into an ongoing Christmas present for
ourselves - removing self judgments.
January 1, 2012
Hi ,
As a continuation of the Christmas present on how to feel special and be special, this New Years Day article is about how to turn one of our most unpleasant experiences into an ongoing Christmas present for ourselves - removing self judgments. Finding and removing self judgment unfolds and uplifts us immensely. But most of our self judgments are hidden, and even if we do find them we don't know how to resolve them. The key lies in understanding why we take on self judgments and exactly how to resolve the real reasons behind why we hold onto them.
Self Judgment
All feeling judgments are self-judgments - even the positive judgments. This is a profound awareness that will totally turn your world upside down if you fully understand the ramifications of this and live accordingly. When you get that strong feeling in your gut that something someone is doing is just not right and they should be doing things differently - the right way, then what you are really reacting to some part of yourself that feels the same way as the person you are judging.
The strong gut feeling we are talking about is not just a feeling of fear or a mental discrimination, but specifically that the behavior is wrong, not right, unacceptable. We learn these feelings when someone judged us for having feelings that led to behavior that they felt was unacceptable. We borrow their judgment of that unacceptable feeling in ourselves and then carry it around in order to suppress those feelings in ourselves so we won't be judged again in the future.
Usually the feeling part of ourselves that got judged (and that we now judge in others) is an immature ego piece of us that acts without consideration for others. This is natural enough, because when we were little we did not have the ability to consider others. Our brain was not mature enough to even be able to conceive that others had feelings of their own. The world and everyone in it is just an extension of ourselves when we are young. This inner reality and our actions that flow from it are gradually suppressed by the judgments of others. We don't like the consequences of their judgment so we squash those parts of ourselves that want to find expression but are too immature to do so in a way that respects the feelings of others.
 People we feel strongly attracted to also reflect suppressed or undeveloped parts of ourselves. Even characters in movies and books can evoke strong feeling attractions because they demonstrate pieces of our inner truth that has not been able to come into full expression yet. Our early attempts to express these parts of ourselves may have been annoying and possibly suppressed by our parents (like the early attempts of my sons when they were young to copy the Ninja Turtles.) Just as often though, parts of ourselves simply have not been developed yet so we are attracted to people who can either model the skills we need or challenge us to overcome obstacles in our way to manifesting ourselves.
The problem is that these parts of ourselves that we suppress contain vital aspects of our core self, and so they can never go away. They will seek expression as long as we live. But without healthy avenues of expression they get distorted and deformed. Our self-judgment denies these parts of ourselves any healthy outflow. This creates chronic tension within ourselves (and our bodies), which we turn outward as judgment of anyone around us that tries to express similar feelings. We jump on them with both feet and try to beat that feeling piece out of them out of frustration of never being able to completely squash that same piece within ourselves.
Resolution of this dilemma only happens when we let go of the judgment of those core feeling pieces in our self, and instead figure out how to express those feeling pieces of ourselves in a way that respects and considers the feeling needs and truths of those around us. Instead of suppressing the immature parts of ourselves, we have to bring them out and help those parts grow up.  I know this is scary because of the fear of being judged like we were when we first began expressing then suppressing those parts of ourselves. The fear has to be faced anyway. The feeling core parts of ourselves we've judged will be perfect and beautiful once they are allowed to mature into full connection and harmony with life. They are only ugly and scary because we have them hidden in the closet of our heart and don't let them see the light of day where they can grow up.
Those feelings we get when we go into judgment of someone around us are a truly awesome opportunity. That feeling is a huge red flag that we are not integrated inside. This is just another way of saying that we are suppressing and judging parts of our internal truth and therefore we are not whole. Our internal truth forms a blueprint for our functional personality. If pieces of our blueprint are being suppressed, we are not able to build a functional personality and our lives end up unhappy in many ways. Our judgments of others are flashing neon signs showing us the way to heal our broken relationships with our inner truth.
Those flash feelings of anger and resentment about how wrong so-and-so is and how they should be different, are a blessed gift showing us where we have shut down pieces of our own inner truth. Even though the person we are mad at is probably being immature just like the pieces we have shut down in ourselves, their behavior is not the point. The same is true for those instant attractions. All that really matters is that we heal ourselves. We are just playing out the accuser/abuser role today just like somebody did to us years ago that put us into self-judgment and shut down.
To find the part of you in judgment, look closely at the feelings underneath the behavior you are judging in others. Don't look at what they are doing as it will likely have little to do with your way of expressing the "unacceptable" or "desirable" feeling parts in yourself. Focus on what feelings are driving their behaviors that you disapprove of. This is where you will find your self-judgments.
Hidden within all this is a profoundly liberating clarity: we humans don't have feelings about things outside ourselves. All our feelings are about ourselves and our relationship to things outside us. Feelings are a form of internal touch sensors that tell us about how we are doing, not about the outside world. So when we say that something feels bad or feels good, it is not that something that feels bad or good, it is us that feels bad or good when we relate to that something. That is why all judgments are self-judgments - judgments are an internal feedback about how well we are dealing with things.
Use the opportunity to heal the inner separations within your soul so that you can mature all parts of yourself and achieve integrity and wholeness. Know that every time you feel that feeling of judgment come up, that it is just an outer cry from your soul telling you about a part of yourself you have in chains that is keeping your life from flowing harmoniously.
The idea is not to simply remove the judgment and let the immature ego piece run rampant in the world causing  chaos and destruction everywhere it goes. The idea is to find the pure feeling truth that the suppressed piece was trying to express and teach it how to express that truth in a way that respects and is in harmony with life. Go ahead and keep the narcissism in check. That ego desire to be the center of the universe and to hell with everyone else does need to be suppressed (at least until the truth behind that story is solved.)
We all have a fundamental drive to be whole. We can not be whole until every last piece of our "blueprint" is manifest. All the feeling truths within our inner self are gifts from the universe and need to be brought into the flow of our life and taught to function effectively with the rest of life.
There are no "bad" parts of our inner truth. We are fundamentally good inside. The only "bad" within us is a negative narcissistic ego that has no regard for others - only itself. This is a leftover piece of the reptilian portion of  our brain - the fight or flight centers designed for basic survival in our brainstem. It is the part of our brain that has to be overridden by the higher socially cooperative midbrain and frontal brain centers. It has its purpose. It makes a necessary servant, but a bad master. Maturation is basically about learning to override this basic survival brain with more complex social higher brain functions. I like to see it as learning to let our connected heart rule us instead of our head. The logical analytical "head" part of our brain tends to align with our survival brain centers while the creative global feeling "heart" part of our brain tends to align with our higher social brain centers.
So let yourself become whole. Mature the pieces of your inner truth so you can integrate them into a functional personality. It is your judgments that will show you where suppressed parts of yourself are hiding. 
Expand. Become. Be whole.
Happy Holidays,
David
Remember to signup for the new
Tai Chi classes beginning in January
For information, call Kathy at
Proposal for Tai Chi Classes Fair Oaks Healing & Arts Center
Monday schedule:
January 9, 2012 - March 12, 2012
1:30 p.m. - 2:30 p.m.
2:30 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.
3:30 p.m. - 4:30 p.m. already filled
Thursday schedule:
January 12, 2012 - March 15, 2012
9:00 a.m. - 10:00 a.m.
10:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m. 2 more spaces available
11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.
I
will be teaching two Beginning classes on Wednesday evenings in Elk
Grove. Anyone that is looking for a little later class is welcome.
Both will also be 10 week sessions, but will be 45 mins. in length, cost
will still be $10/class.
January 11, 2012 - March 14, 2012
5:30 p.m. - 6:15 p.m.
6:30 p.m. - 7:15 p.m.
Special Offer: Free Health Evaluation
Discover your true health status
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Ouestions - if you have questions of
a health or growth nature we could discuss in this newsletter, or if
you have comments or ideas about a future newsletter focus please email
me at:
david@fairoakshealth.com
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visit http://www.fairoakshealth.com"
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