I had a fascinating experience last night - I went to a Gal's meeting.  A couple of my patient's began this group a couple of years ago and it has been quite successful.  Several guys who have known about this group of ladies have gotten envious and wanted a similar group of their own.  But putting a group together that is truly successful is difficult.  Most groups settle down to just a couple people becoming the center of attention and everyone else quietly following along.  The politics of power seems to hold sway in most every group situation I have ever seen.

I have always liked the concept of the leaderless group such as is ideally found in a 12 step group.  But even there those with the larger egos seem to dominate the meetings.  The leader/follower dynamic is so deeply ingrained in our culture that folks just naturally fall into that pattern whenever they get together in a group.  

So what was I doing at a ladies meeting?  Dori, one of the founders of the ladies group, had heard about the rumblings of the men folk and suggested that we attend one of their meetings to experience what they are doing that has been so successful.  To make matters more interesting, Dori asked if I would head up the little project of organizing the guys and getting the ball rolling.  Being a fundamentally shy and socially reclusive fellow I immediately knew that Spirit was prompting me to push my comfort zone envelope.  Hey, how could I turn down the opportunity to do something uncomfortable?

So there I was at the lady's meeting taking in the feel and flow of their creation.  Many of the gals had the advantage of some sort of 12 step meeting background so they already had listening skills and followed certain rules like no cross talk.  But they had taken those old skills and developed a "non-power based" welcome environment that actually respected and encouraged equal participation from everyone there.  Although Dori served as a moderator to keep things moving along, she did so without having to use any heavy handed energy because everyone was in agreement with a common intent and goal.  It was amazing.

Each person had five plus minutes to relate their personal story, perspectives and insights on their own life and recent growth.  Some shared very empowering stories and insights while others shared current pain and challenge.  What impressed me so much was that everyone was simply present with what was shared.  There was no attempt to fix the pain or expand upon the successes.  There was a deep respect for each person's right to walk through their own life experience without interference yet with a special support that comes from having good people really hear you and understand without judgment.

This group meets every two weeks so they can just share their lives with each other and share in the fellowship of mutual respect.  This is very rare in my experience.  Usually such situations turn into amateur therapy sessions, gossip parties, or "ain't it awful" contests.

I suspect that part of this 'created agreement' succeeded because the ladies involved had strength and independence going for themselves.  The original intent of the formation of the group was as a lead-sharing group for independent businesswomen.  But the intent kept morphing as the meetings went on.  Somehow it developed into a spiritual growth support group without the usual ego drive to get others to see things your way.  Each person's differences are seen and respected as positive qualities to be enjoyed...very refreshing.

OK, now the challenge.  Will a group of guys have any interest in forming a similar agreement and group experience?  Guys are more goal oriented.  They want to learn something, or fix something, do something constructive.  The success of the gals group depended upon abandoning all of those things and instead being willing to just be present for their fellow members.  Being present for another human being is a tremendous gift.  Having to do something gets the mind in the way and being present stops.  The mind lives in the world of possibilities (good or bad, past or future) and never in the now moment.  The mind wants to take the lead and create.  It hates just sitting still and witnessing what is.

I don't know if guys are up to this challenge.  Ellen suggested that I check in with some of the guys in my practice to see if they are interested in taking up such a challenge.  So guys - any takers out there?  If you are interested, email me at david@fairoakshealth.com.  I am setting an initial meeting of interested guys at my office on Monday April 4th to allow it to coincide with the night of the ladies meeting.

I get to pass along Spirit's challenge to step out of our comfort zone and grow a bit.  Usually I get to do the uncomfortable stuff all alone.  That way only I have to enjoy my learning opportunities (otherwise known as failures).  I know however that we are not designed to walk this path alone.  We don't know what we don't know, and we can't really see ourselves.  We need loving mirrors and we need non-judging witnesses that will support us by accepting us in our unfolding perfection now.  If that attracts you, let me know.

Good Journey,

 

 

david@fairoakshealth.com

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About Dr. DeLapp

Dr. DeLapp has been a philosopher, non-force Chiropractor, medical intuitive, and health innovator for over 30 years.  He began experimenting with  medical intuition in 1972 while studying physics at UC Davis.  In addition to physics he designed and completed an individual major in the philosophy and psychology of education.  Shortly after he choose to pursue a career in the only truly health oriented profession available at that time, Chiropractic.  He graduated with honors in 1981 with his doctorate and opened a private practice. 
Since that time he has continued his research into the effects of consciousness and learning on health. 
He developed the Biomagnetic Retraining system for correcting movement abnormalities. 
Since 1991 he has focused on developing a powerful system for uncovering and assisting the mind-body connection in health and personal growth.  The in-depth coaching, guided by the subconscious direction from the body, is called Heartflow and the simpler mind-body retraining for health and unfoldment he has named Gracework.  Both are available at Fair Oaks Health.

Dr David DeLapp DC
Chiropractor

Ellen Flowers FGM
Spiritual Life Coach

 

Somatic Therapies

 

Lorena Morales